My brain hurts.

So since I'm a haus frau I have a lot of time to think. About random stuff. Starting a band, daydreaming about being really thin, finally getting a new car. Most of the time however my mind winds up back to where do I want to be.

Easy answer of course. Seattle. I love it there. I love how polite the people are. I love how courteous they are on the road. People actually smile and say "Hello" in stores. Just randomly. It must be all the clean air. I want to live in Seattle because I love the city. I know I would be very happy there. I know that that is where I should be.

Unfortunately that will never happen. I can't leave my parents. I never had grandparents. I never got to spend the summer at Grandma and Grandpa's house. I never got the joy of my parents sending me over there while they went out on a date night. I don't have any stories to tell. Both my Grandmothers died long before I was ever even thought of. My Maternal Grandfather left while my Mom was really young. My Paternal Grandfather I did meet and did spend sometime with. I have three memories of Grandpa Lloyd.

The first one is eating a LOT of strawberries at his house. They just counted as I gorged myself. The second is when I had the ever living daylights scarred out of me. Grandpa Lloyd was going to give us a tortoise. I didn't know what it was it just looked like a rock to me. So I put me little 3 year old face up to it to look and the darn thing just flung it's head out at me! It scarred me so bad I jumped back and fell down, ripping my white tights in the process. Needless to say we didn't take the tortoise and my brother has still not forgiven me for this to the day. The final memory I have of my Grandpa Lloyd was 10 years later. It would be the last time I saw him. We went and drove around the Marine Corps Air Base that we lived in before moving to Va. We stopped at McDonald's and had lunch. He had a hamburger and a cup of coffee. Then we dropped him off at his house and I said "Now Grandpa, quit smoking." He passed away about three weeks later.

So the reason I'm writing about that is because I want to be sure Lex has endless stories that he can tell about his Grandparents. So that means we're staying here.

I mean I don't want to leave my family. I don't think I could. I finally have some really good friends whom I know will be around for a long time.

I believe that ultimately if we did move, David would only do it because I want to. Then I wouldn't be happy because I can't just go over to my Parent's house whenever I want. That Lex's memories would be limited to once a year or two.

I'm also torn because I know that I have wanted to move to Seattle. I was supposed to move out there after high school. That obviously didn't happen. I never wanted to move to Va. I knew once I got on the plane to Okinawa, I was never moving back here. I never missed it the whole time we were out there. And when my parents told me we were moving back here because Dad was retiring, well I started to cry. Because I'm a brat.

So here's how it all works out...in my world Seattle would be located where Fredericksburg is so I'm still close to New England. That way all the people I love are here but I still get to live in the city that I love. And none of the stupid rednecks are allowed in my city. And this way I get to keep a lot of the history that I enjoy about living here. My world is awesome!