Thursday, July 28, 2011

The future....

Since I was a little girl I have always stared out windows and daydreamed. I always dream about my future and where I am going and what I will be doing. I used to daydream about what my husband would look like and if I would have children. I always thought about where I would be living and what job I would have. Even now I stare out my window. I'm still thinking about the future and where we will be going. Who's my next friend that I am going to meet. What will our first house we buy look like. What my children will look like and what will they be when they are grown. My conversations with David are always about our future. I'm always planning. I find it exciting. I know that they say "Today is a gift and that's why it's called the present." But to me thinking about the future is like that moment when you get a gift and it's wrapped up and you have no idea what's in it.

Whenever I think about the future I'm always happy. My life always seems happy. Maybe it's because I like to look at the glass as half full. There is a lot about me that has changed over the past few years. I don't know why but it has. I've decided that there is no point in walking around with a chip on my shoulder. There is no point on focusing on the past because I can't change it. Yet my outlook for the future has always remained consistent. It's always bright. What do you picture when you think about the future? I always see the sun rising, there's always a breeze and it's always warm. There's always a lightness to me. I'm always fulfilled. I'm always smiling. When I think about the future the feeling I get is almost like a rush or like in your favorite song when it builds up to the crescendo.

I think for me thinking about the future is a coping mechanism I developed. It's been on overdrive since June 2001 when I moved back here. I have always thought about the future and where I would be living. Whatever it is, it makes me happy. I'm just curious about what people see when they think about the future. Maybe I'm the only one who does this. To some the future can be overwhelming. To me it's a comfort.