I'm not ashamed...

I am not ashamed to admit that I am sad "The Hills" has ended. Okay okay I think you all are done booing me and throwing things at me. I fully admit I was caught up in the drama. I was there all the times Heidi thought she was pregnant. I was there before Spencer. Before Whitney moved to "The City." When Stephanie confronted Lauren at the club. The first time we were introduced to Justin Bobby. I was mad at Lauren for choosing ugly old Jason over Paris. And I was there for every awkward silence and all of Audrina's vacant stares. I will miss all of the drama surrounding Brody Jenner. Man that dude is hot! Oh but not as hot as my husband.

Most of all I will miss all of the different shots of LA and Hollywood. I don't care if it was fake, scripted reality, or manipulated television. I want my Hills and I want it back now. Without Kristen cause she's kinda boring. Dude why are you so angry? Why do you want to fight so much?

So goodbye kids. I don't know if you have any actual skills outside of eating lunch and doing shots...but good luck in all of your future endeavors.

So tired

So last Friday I decided to step back into my past and attend at techno night that some of my friends were spinning at. I have now realized I have grown out of this scene. And for once I am not just talking about my size. Somehow I grew up...when this happened I don't know. Maybe it was August 30, 2008 (when I got married) or maybe it was June 30, 2009(when I had my baby removed.) When it happened I don't know but it did happen none the less.

I enjoyed going out because sometimes I think to myself "I need out!" So it was fun to go out and hang out with one of my best friends. Dear Jessie, We live 20 minutes away from each other and never hang out...Let's change this! Anyhoo...First time we have hung out and listened to techno music since like 1999. Well we are married, she has two kids and I have the Turtle. We tried to dance and only succeeded at it for one minute. We used to dance for HOURS. Also another reason I know I'm old is because I was really annoyed at having to say "WHAT?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU! THE MUSIC IS TOO LOUD!"

Another example of me being old is what time I went home. Now mind you this former party kid didn't stop partying until the sun had been up and most people had already eaten their breakfast and mowed their lawn. I was always one of the last to pass out. My father had always said..."Nothing good happens after midnight." I always argued saying that's when the party starts. What time did I call my husband to come pick me up? 11:40. Yep...I'm a pumpkin. Also notice I wrote "What time did I call my husband to pick me up?" Yeah that's another thing...I had a DD.

So while it was nice to see some people I hadn't seen in years, there is some truth to the whole "You can't go home..." It's a little bittersweet. I always kinda had this Peter Pan complex. Now I'm a wife and a mother. I prefer wine to beer. My cooking to McDonalds. Kybecca to The Tavern. And most nights being home with my family then out with my friends.

I write that now but if you call me on Friday I might just ditch my kid and husband and go out!

I totally forgot!!!!

I hate our furniture so the other week David and I went to Ashley Furniture and put a down payment for a new couch and a new loveseat. I couldn't find the exact one on the website but this is what it looks like...

In this color however...

So I plan on having like creams and neutrals colors through out the two front rooms but with a little pop of color here and there like green. Hidden here and there. I fell in love with this lamp at Ikea.

Also in the living room I am finally going to hang all of the pictures that we have from our Wedding (when I pick them up) that are in black and white.

Oh and the kitchen...Well even Miss Golightly would love it! Tiffany Blue walls under the chair rail. I even have my beloved martini glass that I was given at my bridal shower that was engraved with "Meggsie Golightly." So that's the plan for the house. You know once I finish cleaning and putting away.

This old house.

Oh dear...I have come to a stall. I don't know if it's the heat or what but man does my house look like poop! I just can't seem to find the energy to clean it. I enjoy having a clean house. Actually I love it and I covet people who always seem to have a tidy house.

David and I are messy people. We don't mean to be but I would say we are both like the character "Pig Pen" from the Peanuts. It's not dirt...it's just clutter. I HATE CLUTTER!!!

I'm hoping it's the heat but upstairs my word! My poor Mother in Law didn't get to see the babies room because it's still in boxes.

The downstairs was finally pulled together when the In Laws came to visit it looked nice. Now...ugh. I know I know...I have a baby but whatever. My house is not reflecting who I am in my head. Do you know what I'm saying?

I love this look...

Let the manic cleaning begin!

My life's a sitcom.

See that guy? I'm married to him. Except he looks like this...

Which would make me her...

Heavy sigh.

Can't I be her?

Oh...nice.

So since I sang "All That Jazz" in 1999 as a Senior in our high school musical, I have wanted to do "Chicago."

Well our local dinner theater is doing it. I auditioned and didn't get cast.

So now I'm at a crossroads. I'm 30 (almost) and all I have known my entire life is theater. I have known that when I grow up I'm going to be an actress. Well crap. I'm grown up. Annnnnnnd I'm not an actress. I'm a wife and a mother which is awesome! But me as a person, me, Megan Leigh Julia Cochran Garcia. Well...I don't know what I am. I have no clue what to do.

This is not a pity party it isn't. I'm not looking for any sort of consoling or anything. I need to say this.

I have no clue what to do with my life. I don't know anything. I'm not educated. I don't even know what I would study. I have no clue what I will do when Lex is in school. Continue to keep the house? Get some stupid office job. Be nothing? Be a nobody?

I've done nothing with my life. I've made no impact or lasting impression. I'm not talking about with my friends. I'm talking about in life itself. You have your hairstylists. They make people look good and in turn they feel better about themselves which is a good deed. An Attorney well maybe they prove their client wasn't the person that robbed the store and in turn a innocent person is able to walk the streets instead of living a life behind bars. A doctor helps diagnose that growth as cancer before it's too late allowing that person to live several more years.

Me? I...see there you are. Now before you think this is self hating. It isn't. It's simply a realization of what have I been doing for the last 30 years?

I am the only one who can change it. So I will pray on it. Meditate on it. Concentrate on it. 30 is a big birthday. But to me it will be a time for me to grow and figure out what it is I am to do for this world.

I will continue on my journey of losing weight. I will educate myself more. I will be the best damn wife and the best damn mother. Not being cast in Chicago was a good thing for me. It is what I needed to kick myself in the ass and say goodbye to that dream. And leave it where it belonged the whole time.

A new reality. A new me.

Clever title

Hello! I've been up to nothing. That's why there haven't been any entries. Oh well...what can I say my life is boring.

We're moving!!!! I'm ever so excited. It's a house and it's on Elm St. Ha! I am having it blessed because it is very very very old. Like 1869 old! I'm very excited about moving in mainly because it has a yard for Lex and Rowdy. Plus we don't have any neighbors!

So all I'm doing is planning on what plants and flowers I want to plant. I just can't wait to get in there! We will probably have a Labor Day Bbq/housewarming. There will be a little more room then what we have now. The bathroom is teeny tiny but I will get used to it. Once we get in I will post pictures.

I have all of the utilities scheduled to turn on there. All that's left is the actual move. So...let the countdown begin! T-minus 9 days!